A Step

Standing on the edge;
As I look out I am in awe.
Life beckons me to take a step;
Just a step, so that I may experience more.

What is a step? It asks.
A gentle movement,
Taking a chance on the unknown,
Having faith in what I am in for.

But am I ready for what comes next,
To try something new,
To meet someone different;
The ache reaches deep to my core.

I am not sure.
How can I be?
Why should I believe?
Did I not try this before?

I am ready now, Lord!
I reach out my hand,
You are there to grasp it tight;
With You I am finally ready to soar!

Lost

I know that we have all been there, some of us more than once; You know what I am talking about, that point in your life when you step back and ask "where am I and how did I get here".

It is a scary place to be at times and I have definitely been "here" more times than I wish to count.  When I was younger, it seemed like a new adventure.  I remember a time after I was out of high school and attempting to make it on my own.  I ventured away to go to college, joining some classmates at a school just outside of Minnesota.  I thought I had made the right decision but part way through my first semester came that moment when a fog came over me and I felt lost.

I was standing in the middle of the quad room that I was sharing and wondering what I was doing.  I felt lost even though I had a place to lay my head, I was alone even though I had 3 roommates and I was sad because I lost sight of what brought me to this point.  We have all had dreams, we hope that they will all come true especially when you are just starting out on your own.  My dream there turned out to not really be mine, but it was an idea that had formed in me as a way to make my life happy again.  A way to grasp onto something that I felt I had lost 4 years earlier, and maybe, even long before that.  I was attempting to please others and was not sure why I had put myself on the back burner.  I found myself searching for me, the person that I lost along the way!

It took me awhile to understand the journey that I had put myself on all those years ago.  I truly believe that I have been lost for many years.  Don't get me wrong, life has been an adventure and I have had some incredible experiences, met wonderful people along the way and learned about so many new things; the problem that I have encountered though is that through all of this I was not on the path that had been laid out for me.  I look back now and realize that I was venturing down the road that I had perceived and not the one that was actually there.  Many of you know what I am talking about!

Picture yourself standing at the start of a road.  You look across the horizon and what you see is a wide road, straight as a pin and pointing towards the beauty of life ahead of you.  The problem is, that road is not straight and it is not wide.  What you do not realize is that a short distance ahead the road begins to make its first decline into the valley.  This valley can hold onto you but it will also teach you things if you just keep going.  It strengthens you and helps you to believe in yourself with each step you take.  The road rises again, making it seem like you will falter but there is a rail to guide you on and bring you back up.  These valleys and rises continue and with each one our faith builds and our bodies grow into the vessel that it was meant to be.  At times, many of us see another path off to the side and decide that it may be the better choice to take because this first road is too difficult to go down.  It is not the road that we thought we saw, the road that was on level ground taking us to our destination a lot sooner.  I am one of those that jumped off that road, not realizing that it was the road that was built specifically for me.  I wanted to take the easy path, like so many around me had done.

I made bad choices, took wrong turns but my "GPS" was always right there with me to make sure that I didn't stray too far.  There were times that this new path crossed the first one, giving me the opportunity to continue on the road meant for me and at times I did take a few steps down that road only to get scared again, opting for what I thought was the easier way to go.  What I didn't realize at the time was that the second path I was traveling on was similar to the other one and often ran right along side of it.  The parts that I thought were hard in the first path was still on the one I was traveling down I just felt more in control and believed the road was straighter.  Every time there was a valley in the first road, I had a valley in the second, the difference was I was not taking what I needed to strengthen my spirit and grow into the person I was meant to be.  On this road I looked at life as being half empty, that I didn't deserve more than I was getting.  Right next to me the other road beckoned, telling me that there was more, that I was worth more, that God had laid out more for me.  I didn't want to see that, I was blinded by the believe that I could do it on my own and that it wasn't any better on the other path; it may actually even be harder.  Still my "GPS" was there if I needed it.

It has been a slow journey for me and once in a while the road I have been on gave me a detour, trying to help in getting me back on the path I was meant to be on.  I would climb back on for a little while but then see something ahead that scared me and would divert back to the other one again.  Recently, I started to realize that the road I was heading on was possibly coming to an end.  I looked around and saw that the path that I had lost for sometime was still right there, inviting me back.  It was then that I realized that my "GPS" had been trying to point me back to where I was supposed to go the whole time and that the road that I had perceived to be there in the beginning was still there.  There are still valleys and rises but now they feel like only bumps that I can overcome.

"I once was lost, but now I am found!  Was blind, but now I see."  Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to see that even though I felt like I was going down the wrong path and would never find my way back to You, I had "GPS" (God's Protective Spirit) on my side all along.  I am ready to read the signs you lay out before me and am blessed to have you putting down the road that I am meant to venture on.  Thank you for the valleys and rises that I endured and allow me to glean from them what I was meant to learn.  I am but your humble servant and I thank you for the people that you have brought into my life at different times to teach me the lessons that I needed to learn as well as those that continue to be a part of my growth in You!